Life has changed in so many ways. Years are flying by and we are always running out of time.. Getting used to be out-of-the-way turned to a habit, for which I cannot afford to break anymore. Every time I pray, I ask God for direction. Walking the pathway that has no slight of mercy on me, I keep wondering when it will end.
I can no longer delineate the true meaning of happiness. I know I will not find it here but in the hereafter. To many, happiness is defined by wealth, getting married, having kids, a good career, and a high education...etc. But To me, I know deep inside that that's not all there is to it. No matter what, when, or how.. You will never stop countering troubles. And as long as this happens, happiness is not assured.
No one is fond of reading my thoughts I'm sure. Because every time I open my mouth and say the truth that I see, people will immediately runaway. That's why I have no genuine friends. It's rare, very rare, to find someone who will grip my thoughts. People liked the old me, the happy jumping like a kid everywhere kind of guy. Making jokes every second. But one can't afford smiling at peoples' faces forever. You can't keep wounds in your heart and smile and act as if nothing happened. They will see it, and then ask you.
When that happens, you'll start to have faith again that… "Oh my god, eventually some one cared to ask" … That there is someone who wants to listen. While in fact, they were just trying to solve the puzzle. "Who is this quiet guy?" is all their concern.
They want to know who I really am.
When I open my heart to them, they will be contented! They will think that they won… probably a noble prize or something of that sort. Once they take for granted that the mystifying gentleman is no longer an obscurity, you will never see them again. Wow, how does that suck? That's where I will say to them: You will NEVER understand who I am. People usually, if not often, like to be with two kinds; the mysterious or the funny. If you can't afford any of these, then let me expect that you are having difficulties making friends.
It's amusing how I always point my finger at the people and say that its always there mistake. It's even funnier that I remember I told someone once, if we ever get apart, it will be because of you -- and that what happened. I do feel bad when I say this, but I know I will never harm a friendship I want to maintain.
Sadly, my assumptions were right.
Well, it's time to go to bed. I do feel abandoned, but it's good to have someplace to go to when there is no one to listen… And that somewhere for me is here. So, excuse me if you found this just another down pulling post. I need to let out -.-
mh.. Ramadhan Kareem to all.
May God accept all our prayers and good deeds in this holy month.
Yours/
Enigmatic Sensation
