--I JUST CAN NOT BELIEVE IT'S BEEN MORE THAN A YEAR SINCE LAST TIME I POSTED HERE!
OMG. Life is indeed moving so fast. One year is a lot, really a lot.
I just had to drop by my blog today because some one very dear to me has asked me about it. I feel sorry to say that I really lost track of my previous likings. Designing Graphics, painting, writing music, photography, poetry, and most importantly blogging-- my only sincere way to reveal what's hidden inside. Yet, I assumed that all this crazy non-sense passion would have to fade into nothingness one day. They were merely hobbies. And I would have to change..
I was only healing myself from the pain. Hiding, trying to forget, to move on with a hope that it will pass; that's why I became a self-motivated artist. I liked what I was doing because everything I drew or wrote had a deep meaning that I didnt know how to express but on that form.
Life has changed and it is still changing. Right now I'm struggling on the path I'm walking on, but I can see the light at the end.
And the end is coming soon. :)
I got to go sleep now, so let me just spit this out of my chest..
People come and go, some of them come and take us to the light, while other take us to the dark. The idea is that we will have to move on with them or without them.
Never feel saddened about losing someone. Instead, embrace, learn, smile, and move on. Cause that is life, and it's all in the plan of our destiny.
Last but not least, I want to scream out loud that I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH for everything from A-Z. I'm really blessed to have them.
Phew, okay that was a fast contemplation of my life. I'm sorry if I'm unthoughtful today.. but you'll have to excuse me cause a meal from Mcdonald's can do you wonders. -_-
nity nite!
As you can see, the template was changed to this. I had a rough time today in trying to make my previous template look as it was, but because www.imageshack.us is down (or something is wrong with it), my template looked so blank as "ME!" said :-/
I think I'll be using this for a while till I make a new one. And I'm not going to host my images in that website again, lesson is learned. I'll be working on a new template during Eid holiday inshallah. So, wait for it ^^
Anyway, I have a class in about half an hour, so..
Tata!
Can you guys believe this?! That.. We made it till the middle of the month?!
Hmmph.. I can't believe it. Time goes by so fast.
Today was 'karank3oh' day.. Sigh.. I still remember how I used to go to each house in our area and sing for them so they'd give me nuts and sweets. I can't do that now :( .. I'm old and really I feel like crying. Ahhh okay not really coz I still enjoyed it today. I felt great when I made the children who step by sing for me the song :D god bless them.. wallah they're so cuttttte!!
hehe .. so anywayz..
My exams will start on Thursday, that is two days from now. I'm not really well prepared so I think I'm going to step back from the internet the next 2 weeks. I really should focus on my studies more..
The conflict winding up in our system under the diffusion of our sentiments (assuming it to be restricted by the heart) and resolutions (controlled by the mind) doesn't look like the source of a major conflict, but it is. On the one side are emotions, which make us do what we want without broad thinking to answer who, why, what, when and how. On the other side, analysis, logic, planning, and answers to each question must be provided before we step up and do what we want to do. Each side is fighting to prevail and take control, so trouble is brewing.
The debate over which element we should listen to has gained momentum recently; because of my noting the increased uncertainty of this kind of conflict within every one of us. Yet, the media somehow played a great role in making it easier for every one to be swayed with what we should highlight as best for us, the heart or the mind. However, I think, letting one side wins and the other losses make our humanity deficient, which unfortunately some people are not taking notice of.
When sentiments take over the role we play each day, and consequently, with the increased over-control of feelings within us, the world shall end up seeming like a jungle. Everything will be free, no rules, no limits, and thus, more or less likely, an increase of devastation. Emotions can be divided into two, good and bad. Yet, even if the good part of it took over, the world will still seem unbalanced. On the other side of the loop, when the mind takes over all the control, we will be nothing more than a machine; functioning, only and always, to think of ways to solve our problems. Good in a way, but without the emotional part, making decisions and answering the problems can be too ruthless. No feel of guilt, no passion, no sorrow, no happiness, no crying, just doing whatever you're meant to do and leave.
It is asserted by many that people who are more into emotions are mostly women, and those who are into 'resolutions' are men. A quote to evoke, "A woman's head is always influenced by heart; but a man's heart by his head." Daang, not really! This has been looked into from a very narrow perception, if you ask me. I think that everyone of us has both sides (sure we do!) The problem is, we don't make a reasonable balance between the two. This is not about genders; it's about how humanly you are. And if you put into consideration the pursuit of happiness, you'll eventually realize that it should come from deep within first. Meaning, we should first solve all the conflicts deep within that's happening between our mind and heart... before we start seeking outside. We should balance the equation in our system, and then we'll find the contentment we seek!
That's all for today…
I'm really bored of Windows XP interface. I searched for skins and hints on how to turn it to look like Mac X. And viola, it really wasn't that diffecult to do. All I needed were couple of programs to install and that's it.
my desktop looks like this now:
If you want to change your Windows interface just download these programs:
- StyleXP
- ObjectDock
- ObjectBar
- YzShadow (gives you a shadow look under your windows, really cool!)
- iTunes (2 play music.. worth downloading)
- Icons (to change the icons and make them look like Mac)
May Allah(swt) accepts all our good deeds in this month.. and make it a blessing to everyone...
*kl 3am o entto b5eer*
Hi dear bloggers and friends,,
Just wanted to share some lil pointers at what happened last week, it's not much of a benefit to read this I guess, yet I just want to write something lol. Sorry about my lake of updates, this post is just to catch up...
Sunday 11, 2005:
Even though not much I've achieved in this day, still it was wonderful. I went to the computer shop (Softiel) and bought a tablet. ^^ I so need this for my upcoming digital art works.. Working with the mouse just sucks! Anywhos... It was not expensive so I gladly took it.
Pics pics pics.. Click to enlarge. ^^
It's not really something very fancy but certainly it does the job ^.^ Here is a lil unicorn I've drown 2 days ago using it (in painterIX);
cool ha? ^.*
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Monday 12, 2005:
Please go over the previous post first.
I've been thinking a LOT about my status on this day, about my life, my people, my everything. I came with some dicisions in the end. I don't wanna really talk about them though, but let me just say that sometimes, it gives you a really good feeling to think of your future and leave the past behind for awhile. I sort of have made some dicisions about what I'm going to do with my life. Pushed myself a step forward I guess..
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Tuesday 13, 2005:
*sigh*.. This day was such a sleepy day for me. Think of the laziest person ever, that was me. I haven't slept for two days and a half. Yap, you read that right. 2 days and a half... And, on the morning of that day I FINALLY slept! All Tuesday was gone sleeping! I woke up at night so regretful though. I really missed a lot of stuff. I also missed some important calls and worse yet, I missed praying on time. Sigh..
Oh well, I needed to sleep in the end.
Yeah another thingie, I watched Final Fantasy Advent Children the movie! (Thank you D. for telling me about it)
It's out people! Amm, usually, I don't give much credits to movies. I always try to find something to criticize them with and say 'oh that could have been done better'. But this one is just different. You shouldn't have any doubts about how excellent this is, it's simply the best computer-generated movie I've ever seen till this day ^^
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Wednesday 14, 2005:
Yap. Still alive and kicking. Nothing to complain about, *al7mdllah.*
Had fun spending time with my brothers, hanging around, cruising in the Land Cruisor lol. This car should be called Land Crusher by the way! hehe.. Oh, I know some of you people here would go like 'what? he hang around with his brothers? Where's the logic in that?' Well, yes I'm one of those who enjoys going out with his family more than with friends. Plus, I don't really have a lot of real friends, which is, yet, good in away. *me believes.*
I read this tiny book about watercolors, for Richard Bolton;
Very informative and full of great techniques regardless of the number of pages. ^^ It was really interesting to see how the artist uses watercolors to put life and details into his paintings...
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Thursday 15, 2005:
Amm, is it just me or do we all like Thursdays? hehe.. I really don't know why but I always see in everyone's eyes some sort of comfort and tolerance in this day. Maybe it's the freedom from work? hmm.. oh well, anyway, it was a pleasant day for me too.^^
Congratulate me peeps I finally bought the iPod of my dreams lol. I just can't stop staring at it. Really beautiful. I just love how slick and not-so-heavy this mini thing is!
Apple never fails to amaze me ^^
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Friday 16, 2005:
It's just like every other Friday... nothing much to mention. ;/
Amm, I watched the movie, The Incredibles with my family on th evening. The characters are soo cool. I loved the doughter the most. She looks so amm.. innocent ;p
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Quote of the Week:
"Men are four:
He who knows not and knows not he knows not, he is a fool - shun him;
He who knows not and knows he knows not, he is simple - teach him;
He who knows and knows not he knows, he is asleep - wake him;
He who knows and knows he knows, hi is wise - follow him!" - Lady Burton
Cheeeers!
P.s. I know, my life is so simple. :/
.
Last week was a point of change in my life, inner changes in specific. Some said this change isn't good for me, that I should stay the person I'm and never let struggles change who I am. Well, I'm really sorry.. but nothing stays the same. I want this change, so I care less if it's good or not! It's unfortunate, but sometimes you just have to loose your passion to survive.
To my bro A, you know how much I'm grateful to the truth you opened my eyes to. I told you.. you're wise...
--------------
Eye of the Tiger
by Rocky (survivor album)
Risin up
back on the street
did my time took my chances
went the distance now I'm back on my feet
just a man and his will to survive
so many times
it happens too fast
you trade your passion for glory
don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
you must fight just to keep them alive
It's the eye of the tiger
its the cream of the fight
risin up to the challenge of our rivals
and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
and he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger
Face to face
out in the heat
hanging tough
stayin hungry
the stack the odds still we take to the street
for the kill with the skill to survive...
It's the eye of the tiger
its the cream of the fight
risin up to the challenge of our rivals
and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
and he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger
Risin up
straight to the top
had the guts got the glory
went the distance now I'm not gonna stop
just a man and his will to survive
It's the eye of the tiger
its the cream of the fight
risin up to the challenge of our rivals
and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
and he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger
The eye of the tiger......
The eye of the tiger......
The eye of the tiger......
Hiii! How are you all?
I wish you're in great health. Alright my question today is;
Do you believe music can speak for itself? Do you think you can read what the instrumentwise is trying to say through his tunes? Can you express yourself through music?
As for me, I'm really starting to believe so. After I woke up today and had my breakfast and everything, I came to my keyboard piano, sat, and recorded myself while playing. Amm.. You know this feeling when you just don't know how to put the right words together to make your point clear? That's how I was feeling when playing the piano.. So, it was just an attempt to express myself in another way.. through the rythems.. It just speaks out everything in your heart. *ahh.. i'm still listening to what I was playing, I can't believe I play like this!* Seriously, if you ask me now to play it again, I'd say I can't do it exactly. I followed one scale when I was playing and the rhyme came out like that. I can play it again 'similarly' but not exactly. It would just depend on my feelings on the instant I'm playing it. That's why I'm beginning to believe that feelings has a lot to deal with music.
Anyway, here is another side of me I reveal today.. Please click on the link if you wish to listen to me playing(you'll be asked to wait for 60 sec; then just click on the Download button):
My Rivers of Sentiments
*hope the link works*
I used three instruments; piano(intro), guitar(main), and flute(finishing). Dedicating this to someone very special to me that I talked to yesterday who.. opened my eyes to many things. I'm very thankful to that person.. for everything. and I'll always will...
.
Yesterday was such a long and painful day to all of us. My dad had to do a surgery on his elbow to fix a compacted nerve, as the doctor said, and decompresses it so the blood will run smoothly. I didn't want to get out of the hospital even though I really hated being there for some reason. But anyway, I stayed all day long with my family there. The surgery went fine, thanks to God first and for most, and for the kind doctor who kept assuring us that it will be alright and that it's a normal surgery… After the operation, dad was sleeping because of the drug they gave him before. He had difficulty breathing when he woke up... I felt so heavy inside. I felt like we'll loose him... but he managed to breathe normally again. *al7mdllah.
My father is a smoker too. That's why he had trouble breathing, according to the nurse. I just wish I could persuade him to stop but I really don't know how.
Besides, I was very ill too... It was so stressful. I would keep coughing and throwing up every once in a while for no reason. Maybe it's because I'm not used to seeing my dad like this. Or maybe because I'm not used to being in hospitals... I don't know. Mom told me to go home and get some rest because I really needed it too. So, I got back home at
He's finally home again… Safe and sound.
Can't imagine how my life would be without him…
I love you dad...
Here we go;
-Last book you read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown. I haven't finished it yet. There are a lot of chapters in this book and yet I am really taking my time on it.
-Last phone number you called: My oldest sister's.
-Last show you watched on TV: It's a very old gulf series called Droob Al-shak on
-Last thing you had to drink: A cup of tea and milk mixed with Nescafe.
-Last thing you ate: Cheese Sandwich with honey, to be honest.
-Last time you cried: Yesterday night...
-Last time you smiled: Today when I was talking with my sister.
-Last person you hugged: I rather not say, sorry.
-Last person you talked to on the phone: Isn't the question repeated? lol. Again, my old sister.
-Last thing you smelled: my brother smoking. :/
-Last CD that you bought: It's been along time since I bought a CD, I always download the songs I like using Mp3search.. But I do remember the last CD I bought, which was Voyageur-Enigma!
-Last song you sang: Right here waiting - Richard Marx. I'm sure ya'll know it! :)
-Last thing you laughed at: Well I try to laugh everyday. But something that made me burst laughing was a bit old movie I saw with my family about two weeks ago (as I recall) – The movie's name is "Harold & Kumar Go to
-What's in your cd player: Mp3 songs. ^.^
-What time did you wake up today: Five something in the morning. I had nothing to do but I just woke up.
-Current favorite article of clothing: n/a.
-Favorite place to be: Even though the weather is really hot in
-Least favorite place: In my brother's car where he'll be driving all day and I will just sit and talk with him. It's a good thing to spend time with your brother, but for some strange reason, I always end up with a feeling that another day of my life was just wasted. I just don't understand how come he never gets bored of driving!
-Do you believe in an afterlife? Of course.
-In Heaven or Hell: Sure.
-How tall are you: I'm tall enough. :)
-Current favorite word: Regret. Well, not exactly my favorite, but it's the first word that popped in my head.
-Favorite Book: Answered in the previous tag.
-Random lyric: It's for an Arabic song, it goes..
ya sa'3r al far7 fee glby, o ya kbr al alam o al aah....
t'3arb fee zmn ha alnas, o zawad thlmohom blwah.
le anno mo5talef 3nhom.. t'3arb mn 6bay3hom... etc // for Hussin Aljasmi
-If I could be doing anything right now, I would be: playing with PainterIX.
-Are you a daredevil? Maybe, I don't know.
-Have you ever told a secret you swore you'd never tell? ahh.. Yes. But I told the person who told me the secret that I did reveal it to someone else.
-Do looks matter? To me, no. To almost everyone else in my country, yes!
-How do you release your anger? I don't get angry easily, al7mdllah. But when something really stresses me I just stay away from it. Always stay away from the source.
-My second home is: my imaginations, which some of you might find quite silly... but it's true!
-One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: lying to someone very close, to save the relation, but with that doing, I have only made it worse. It's a tough lesson I learned. Never lie... whether it's white or black... never ever lie!
-All you need is:
Physically: a slap! A very hard one... so I can wake up from what I'm now.
Spiritually: God's help and blessings.
-Something I want but I don't really need is: most probably money.
-Something I need but I don't really want is: hmm..I need to understand this question though I don't really want to! LoL ^.^
-drink? Water if possible. (nashaft reejy ya5y hehe)
-have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No I don't, yet I'm taken.
-have a dream that keeps coming back? Yeah. But it's… well... I don't know how to explain it.
-believe there is life on other planets? Deep within, no I don't believe so.
-read the newspaper? Not yet.
-consider yourself tolerant of others? Yes, and very kind as well! al7mdllah. :)
Tagging: Najah, Nabhan. The rest of the list are already tagged. Anyway I hope they don't fail me and answer the above questions =)
.
Hey!
I just wonder why everyone blog him/herself. I know its kind of a personal question that maybe I shouldn't ask, but it would really be wonderful and appreciated if everyone can share with me his/her reasons.
For me, I started blogging because I was so desperate to talk to anyone. There really was no one beside me to listen. I visited a couple of healthy websites that would give tips about how to overcome depression and sorrow.... and they said it's really healthy and good to write everything you feel down. [Ya I was that desperate! :'( ] They recommended blogging as a way to start and I followed up. Next thing I know is that I'm in the blogger community. I'm still blogging because i'm not over this circle of sorrow, yet. But I'm really starting to believe that it helps to write.
Beside that, I think the positive side about blogging is that it gets you to know other people too. How they feel, and how they interpret their lives on their own words. This is very very interesting on its own.
Okay enough about me, how about you guys? Care to share?
Cast your votes please! Thanks in advance ^.^
.
I'm finally done with the template!
I hope you like it people! ^.^
I had a lot of free time the past few days so I decided to play with my template code a bit. I wanted something simple, which is what all this is about.
Got a new shoutbox ! Feel free to shout all you want there. And my neocounter is back as well. (it sux though cause it's not free :0)
And finally, I added a couple more of my favorite blogger links. I still have a lot to add though, but am seriously tired. I'll do it some other time inshalla.
Have fun!
Hi all,
Something just stroke me today when I was playing the game Generals Command & Conquer: Zero Hour. You might find this somewhat childish, but I really learned a life lesson from it. It's a bit intricate for me to clarify. So read over only if you're interested =)
In this game, there is a
Alright so what's the moral of that?
0. Life is a war!
1. Consider the
2. The defense of the enemy (be it tanks, missile launchers, king Raptors or whatever) is the struggles we face on our daily living.
As a rule, every one of us has at least one aim in his/her life to long for. We set this target and we fight as hard as we can to attain it. We study, we work… etc... And this is to make sure that we reach the target. But on our way there, we frequently face many struggles, and some of us unluckily fall! I fell many times as well and I admit that. But here is the thing; I am going to be an '
In short, we just have to believe we're like an
-- Aurora in flight ;)
Enigma
.
Nabhan got me tagged to answer the following questions:
1. How much money is in your wallet right now?
2.How much money would you need in the bank to feel secure? Rich?
3.If someone gave you 100 rials, no strings attached, what would you do with it?
4.If someone gave you 1 Million rials, no strings attached, what would you do with it?
5.How much does something have to cost before it starts counting as "real" money, as a purchase to be considered and evaluated, but below which you'll buy without really thinking about it?
....
There you go pal:
1. That would be 468 QR exact.
2. Money that would ensure me a living for one year would someway make me feel a bit safe. And for the second component of the question, I'd say it's not with how much funds I have that would make me feels rich.
3. I'll turn it back asking that person to please grant it to someone who needs it more than I do.
4. It would depend on who's going to offer me all that money.
5. I two say that it depends on the thing I'm buying. I don't squander my money on things that are over-priced yet not worthwhile. If I really have to pick a number though, I'd say 50QR.
.....
Anyway, as we're on the subject of money, I'd like to formally declare that I hate it so much. Money is all what most people think about receiving in this life. I find this a pretty lame and retarded goal. I see eye to eye with the one who said that money can't buy happiness; for the reason that... I experienced it myself. If you're unhappy from within, riches won't do you anything much to help!
The next reason for me to hate it is because people are treating each other differently because of it. You'll see assorted categories in our society that are considered distinct from each other mainly because of how much wealth they have. The rich is always esteemed, while no one gives a crap about the poor. Excuse me for the expression but why is this happening? We are all humans, sons and daughters of Adam & Eve. Brothers and sisters. Why categorizing? Why some people are VIP and some are not? Can't we all be just treated equally? Or is this just so far from reality?
Third reason is greed. People get really greedy sometimes that they'd kill other people to take their money from them. This is actually happening in our society! It's not something I watched on TV. In addition, think about the current wars from a universal broad. The main reason I believe for all of these wars is the greed flaming out from country leaders.
Nothing more, nothing less;
Just money, wealth, and great amount of funds in their accounts.
That's all they want!
For God's sake money is just a stupid paper!
Why fighting for it? Life demands?
Hack with them if they're going to make humans monsters.
Some people also think that money equals success. This is so not true. To be successful in life doesn't mean having great chunk of money; rather, I believe achieving your goals is what makes you be one. However, If the goal is just to make money, then I'm sorry to say that you are really not living your life very well. Some might argue that they have to make money first to achieve their goals, Yes, I agree. But my point here is that 'making money' shouldn't be your main objective in this life.
With all that said, I think I made myself care enough.
LoL, okay sorry to be a bit serious about this subject.
Everyone smile please.
Life isn't worth it,
money isn't worth it,
and surely my post isn't worth your being sad/upset.
Cheers,
Enigma
It's been sometime I haven't opened my Cinema4d.
The good news is, today I did! Haven't made any serious modelling though. Just an abstract which strangely, I have somehow related myself to it in the end. It's basically a simple piece. Called it Vibrant.Sense. Each color I used here symbolize something to me, but.. well, I won't bore you with such details. :P
I leave you to view it (click to enlarge);
Enjoy! Your opinions are always appreciated peeps. So please be generous and give me your feedback. Thanks in advance. =)
/enigma
coolcorpse: say how old are you?
enigma: Old enough.
coolcorpse: say what's your gender? m or f?
coolcorpse: say sorry.
coolcorpse: I don't mean to keep typing "say."
enigma: What do you think my gender is? :S
coolcorpse: Too much nudding.
enigma: '
coolcorpse: I mean mudding.
coolcorpse: I'm gonna check the dial-in conection
coolcorpse: say brb
He went and never came back...
THAT, ladies and gentlemen, was a part of a talk I had with someone while playing Yahoo Chess. As you may note, the guy seems to have gotten into the pattern where he has to type "say" before saying something and "look" before he can see. Next thing he'll inarticulate "emote" every time he takes breath. Emote inhale, Emote exhale!
I'm starting to get uninterested of the Net. The question is, where do I go now? Where's the next wave? The thing is, I don't think I can push this thing much further. There's nothing else to do; just much, much, much more of what I've already done. Anywhere I go now is a second trip.
It's weird. The Net used to seem so big. No limits. Everlasting variety. It doesn't seem that gigantic to me now. I log in and think, where to? Back to Forums? Back to blogging? Back to chatting? Messenger? Anyone? ... etc.
Been there, done that. It's not adequate anymore. It's overwhelming. It's boring. I can feel it topping out. And it's sad, because I love the Net! I loved being able to drift away into chatting rooms and talk to people from different regions. I loved the spirit of it, and how much people value liberty on the net. I loved the speed, the lightness.
Or maybe, that's the part I hate. I can switch this whole world off from my life. I can walk away from it and come back the next night, or the night after that, or a week or a month or a year later and find pretty much the same thing. I don't know how content I am in this casual space anymore.
No consequences.
There is something sparkling and brilliant about the Net. There is also something lonesome and horrible about it. I don't regret stumbling in, but thank God I can opt out.
The sun will be up in a little less than one hour or so, which is:
a) a few more thousand posts yet to read from my fellow bloggers.
b) two dozen Forums.
c) a couple of mp3 websites to check, or
d) doing the alfajer prayer.
At this point, "d" seems like the most thrilling option...
/enigma
Source ::: The Peninsula
Doha: Residents and visitors to Qatar can now access high-speed wireless Internet at selected locations free of cost following the soft opening of Qatar Telecom's Wireless Fidelity (WiFi) service branded Qtel Hotspot. The free access offer is valid for a limited period only after which Qtel Hotspot will be commercially launched.
Khalil Ebrahim Al Emadi, Executive Director, Wireline Services at the company, said: "Qte's broadband strategy is to make our customers a part of the growing global WiFi community and give them the best of what we have to offer in Internet services whether at home or at work. Our WiFi service provides freedom, flexibility, reliability and great value for our customers and by offering them this dynamic service free for a limited period, we are giving them an opportunity to sample one of the many exciting products and services we will be launching very soon."
The service, in its introductory phase, is available at all major hotels in Doha, select restaurants and coffee shops. Among the places where people may experience WiFi Internet access free are the InterContinental Doha, Al Merweb Hotel, both the branches of the Eli France Café at Salwa Road and the City Center, La Maison Du Café on Salwa Road and Royal Plaza, Le Notre, Grand Café, Crepaway and Mint Café.
Customers should look for a special logo or notice announcing that free WiFi access is available at the outlets and request for a user name and password from the hotspot location personnel.
"WiFi is fast gaining popularity, especially with everyday Internet users and people from the business and student communities who frequent restaurants, hotel lobbies and coffee shops. By setting up hotspots at these locations, we are also offering businesses a chance to provide advanced service and to attract more customers," he added.
Thank you Q-tel!! *a sentence I never thought I'd say.*
.
Terrified to wake up not knowing who I may face today,
So afraid to run off the room… so there on my bed I lay.
Scared to open up my eyes in terror of who I may see,
there’s only one being I trust now, that one being is me.
.......
I toddled down the stairway of my vacant dark home,
Everyday became the same, and I’m all alone.
I can’t gaze at the outer surface, I can’t anymore see,
I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
.......
I sit out of the sun, wondering what’s going on,
with all sensations… I feel vanished or gone.
My mind's eye wish to know what lives outside;
it’s so undue for everything I hold, to hide.
Though I can’t stand the wounds people cause,
And I can’t stand all this pain
though I'm sick of everyone being fake,
Sick of the amount of hurt I still have left to take
I won't let this happen to me again.
.......
Today I will stand up and wipe away the tears
Today I will rub out all the hurt and fears
Today is another new page
Waiting to be filled with fury and rage
.......
Fight is the only word that charms in my head
So I'll fight even though by now...
I'm dead.
To answer the following:
1. What does 'love' mean to you?
At this moment, it means a knife caught in my heart that no matter what I do I can't drag out.
But on a broad note...
love is what completes me. That's all I'd say.
2. What does "marriage" mean to you?
It's a life-time commitment. It's a dream that will come to reality, one day… inshallah.
3. Do you believe in 'love at first sight'?
I wouldn't call it love. It's a physical attraction. You can't love someone just by a fleeting look. It's mostly incorrect to suppose so… because love doesn't come out of sudden. Love is a combination of feelings attached together which grow through time. Hmm, just ask yourself, what approach would one have at first sight?
Exactly! Attraction; no more no less.
4. How many children would you like?
As much as God would bless me to have.
5. If given the opportunity, what is that one song you would sing for me on wedding day?
What dreams are made of...
6. What is your favorite holiday destination?
Undecided.
7. What are three qualities you would look for in a woman?
After 'Religious' come Simple, Patient, and Compassionate. Beauty is the last thing I look for.
8. What are the three qualities and three bad habits that you have?
Qualities: you tell me what they are...
Bad habits:
- I don't get out from my cave frequently
- I shy
- I have major problems with sleeping
9. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
I don't know where the course of my future leads. For every day there is something new that will either shove me up a bit or put me down a byte... Honestly I can't see myself in tomorrow, how do you expect me to tell what's after 10 years...
Only God knows...
